When you are just starting out on the dating scene, it can be quite exciting getting to meet lots of new singles.  It can also be a bit daunting, especially if you haven’t met someone in person before you meet for the first time.  What if you don’t get on or they just are not what you are looking for whatever reason.  As the date draws to an end, the subject of a second date is likely to come up, you don’t want to see him again, but also you don’t want to hurt his feelings with an out and out rejection, how do you handle it?

This is a skill that you will need to learn now that you are getting out and meeting other singles. Not everyone you meet will be your ideal partner and you will need to be prepared to decline a second date before things get the chance to escalate into something you don’t really want. Here are some tips on how to decline a second date:

Always be honest

If you don’t want another date, you must say so.  If you agree to a second date when you know that you don’t want to take this relationship any further, then you are only prolonging the inevitable, you will  have to decline at some point and the longer you allow it to go on, the harder it will be.  The other person might not feel the same as you and be getting false hopes, so it will become much harder to back off if the other person has become attached to you.  Most people will appreciate your honesty and will be pretty upset if you string them along for several dates and then let them down.

Have a plan in your mind

Have a plan ready before the date of what to say if things don’t go according to plan.  Have a script in your mind and try and stick to it, this will help to stop you from backing down or saying the wrong thing due to nerves.

Don’t make assumptions

It is easy to assume that you are hurting the other person by turning them down. If the date didn’t go very well anyway, the chances are that he didn’t enjoy it either. They are probably worrying in the same way as you about how to turn down a second date.

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Be nice

Tell him that you enjoyed getting to know him on your first date, but you can’t see a future together for whatever reason.  Wish him well and part on friendly terms, this will help to prevent any future hostility.  You don’t have to go into details as to why you don’t think you are compatible – just be as vague as you can be, that is okay, but it is not okay to be impolite or rude.

Write a letter

If you really can’t bring yourself to tell him face to face that you don’t want to see him again, write him a nice letter straight after the date, thanking him for the company, explaining that you don’t think you are compatible and wishing him well.  Some people prefer to send a text message, but personally I think this is a bit impersonal and would recommend a bit more of a personal touch.

Honesty is always the best policy in all situations, things can easily get out of hand if you let them. It is far better to kindly decline a second date than to prolong a relationship that you know is not going anywhere from the beginning.


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